if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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