A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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