remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
