then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
