"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
