He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
