i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
