Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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