Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
