Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
