I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
