He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
