I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
