u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
