I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
