Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
