Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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