hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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