i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
