Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
