Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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