I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
