god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
a search helicopter?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
