Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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