I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
