His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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