I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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