i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We talked him into tasing himself.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
