I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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