After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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