I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
