guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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