What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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