So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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