I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
