I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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