just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
