took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
