I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
