if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
