does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
