I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
