I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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