i wish my penis had a tongue
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
