on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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