awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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