I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
