Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
