i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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