bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
