I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
