im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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