Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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