Jerry, you need to find god
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
