At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm both gender and math confused
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
