You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
