i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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