And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
