Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
