I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
