so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
