Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
