I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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