**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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