I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
