GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
