me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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