Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
