Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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