Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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