I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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