girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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