I have demons in me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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