i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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